Oral Sex Tips
How do I get started with HER?
We're not trying to cop out or anything, but the truth is you'll need to
talk with her about what she likes. Some women don't like a lot of pressure or
speed on their clits. Others love lots of pressure with a rounded tongue. Still
others like fast flicking on their clit with a harder tongue. Does she like you
to stimulate her clit with the hood up or down? Maybe she likes you to lightly
flick your tongue quickly over her clit. Maybe she like the feel of your whole
mouth on her vulva with a pressured tongue to her clit. Is her clit super
sensitive or not? Direct contact with her clit or not? Sucking? Biting? Licking?
The permutations are endless. You won't know unless you ask. So ask. Then don't
assume if she liked it one way yesterday, she'll like it the same way today. Ask
again!
Some basic things to keep in mind:
1) The tongue is an abrasive organ so saliva
up your tongue before you approach. 2) While you are performing oral sex,
don't try and swallow your saliva - use it to your advantage as a lubricant.
3) If all goes well, she'll probably start moving around. Try to stick with
her as much as possible! 4) If you feel physically uncomfortable, it is okay to
move positions or use pillows to prop her or you up into a more comfortable
position. 5) Spread the lips of her vulva a little, so you have greater access
to all of her vulva. 6) There is no need to get so hell bent on the clit and
giving her an orgasm that you forget the surrounding areas! Don't forget to
pay attention to the lips of her vulva, her hair, her inner thighs, her mons
pubis, her ass, her tits, etc., all before you even come close to her clit
(foreplay!). 7) Find out her feelings on inserting fingers, and where. She
might love for you to put a finger or three in her vagina, or she might not.
Maybe she's dying for a finger in her ass at just the right moment. You
won't know unless you ask, but please! Woman! Don't go jamming something in
without permission!
Remember to be easy with yourself and your expectations. Oral sex can be awkward
at first. Start off slow and use your tongue as an exploratory tool to figure
out where she is most sensitive, both on her whole vulva and on her clit. You
can think of the clit as a clock -- go around the clock hour by hour and find
out what drives her cuckoo. Don't forget to use your hands too - to massage
around the vulva, squeeze tits, grab her ass, whatever.
Many women like penetration, either with a tongue, fingers, or a toy, while
receiving head. Some women don't like penetration. Some women like to be
fisted. How will you know? Ask! Are you recognizing a pattern here yet?
Communication. Communication. Communication. Just because she says she likes
penetration, doesn't mean you both understand what kind of penetration she
likes. If she likes penetration with your tongue, remember that the most
sensitive part of the vagina is the first half inch or so of the canal, so it
doesn't really matter if you have a short or long tongue. No one is going to
reach the G-spot with their tongue, okay? If she likes more penetration, then
use your fingers to stimulate her G-spot while tonguing her clit. Finally, don't
forget to breathe, and moan. The moaning will create a vibrating sensation for
her and increase enthusiasm for both of you.
What about positions for performing oral sex?
The standard position (if there really is such a thing) is with your lover on
her back and you in between her legs with your body flat on the bed stomach down
(this is more comfortable than kneeling and with better access) and your face in
her vulva. Another popular position is 69, where you are lying side by side
(easier than one on top, one on the bottom) facing each other in opposite
directions, vulvas in each other's faces so that you can both perform oral sex
at the same time. Warning! This position might need some serious practice! .
She can also straddle your face while you are lying on your back. This is a
really fun position, but many woman find it hard to come in this position, and
you'll definitely want to come up with a sign that says "um, baby, I love
that you are sitting on my face, mmmm, mmmm, mmm, but would you mind moving up a
little so that I can breathe?" You could also lie side by side with your
head in between her thighs, using the bottom one as a pillow. She could sit in a
chair or on top of a counter. You can try kneeling in front of your partner
while she stands above you. This is a hot starter position, although in the long
run your access is kind of limited and you'll probably end up moving to
another position. If you are a seasoned pro with a little extra cash, we highly
recommend a sex swing. YUM-MEE.
What if I get tired?
Well, heck. We all get tired. Prior to becoming the sex communication genius
that Coya is now (ha ha) she had been known to totally spaz out when she was
hanging out down south because all of a sudden she would feel like her jaw was
going to fall off and her tongue would be numb and she couldn't breathe and she
would be convinced she'd never be able to move her lips again! The first few
times she went down on a girl she would surface feeling like every single one of
her (two) ex-boyfriends were SAINTS! It is totally normal to get tired
sometimes, and there are ways to take a break. When you really get into giving
head, you don't really care that you're getting tired. Your tongue may get
tired. Your neck may get tired. Your tongue may lose all sense of coordination.
Your jaws may feel like they are going to cramp up and leave you lock-jawed.
Your lips may get numb. Unless she's got fistfuls of your hair, clamping her
knees around your head, and yelling "don't stop," you can take a break. When we
say break, we don't mean stop altogether, get up, and make yourself a cup of
coffee. We mean, alter what you are doing with your tongue, or use your fingers
where your mouth was. Try to keep it the same speed and pressure. It won't feel
the same to her, but it will feel good and it will keep things going while you
get recharged.
What if I don't want to stop, but need a break?
You can flick your tongue in a rhythmic motion up and down her clit. You can
run your tongue back and forth across her clit. You can move your tongue in a
circular motion. Write the alphabet with your tongue. Mixing it up allows you
to keep going, but still have a mini break. You can also use your jaw for
leverage, so that instead of only using your tongue, you're moving your mouth by
moving your jaw up and down.
Don't make the assumption that if she likes what you're doing that she'll like
it even more if you go faster and harder. Listen. If she likes what you're
doing and she's reaching an orgasm, you're probably doing exactly the right
thing at exactly the right moment. She'll tell you if she wants to you go
harder or faster. Heck, she'll probably scream it at you! Nothing is a
bigger bummer than having someone go down on you, and just as it is really
getting good she suddenly speeds up or slows down! Or, worst of all, stops
altogether! Become familiar with how your lover sounds and moves (and swells)
when she is reaching an orgasm. Some women stop too soon, just as the orgasm is
starting, and that kills its intensity.
If you are thinking about using food products to spice up your oral sex, think
again. Most seemingly sexy ideas like whipped cream, chocolate sauce, champagne
(yeah right!), are full of sugar and may contribute to an unbalanced vulva (and
then yeast infections and bacterial infections) not to mention stickiness and
the cleanup. For more information, you can reread our article on non-sex toy
masturbation about the use of food.
Finally, above all, and most important, (you guessed it) talk to your partner
about what she likes and what feels good. That will make a huge difference in
how you feel about oral sex, how she feels about the oral sex you're doing with
her, and (added bonus) if you're giving her head the way she likes it, it may
take less time for her to come! (But remember that oral sex is super fun and
there's no timer on cumming.) Enjoy!
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