Fun Anatomy
There are two things we love about being sex educators (or sex gurus, as we like to call it!).
The first is that people tell us all kinds of wonderful and crazy things about their personal sex lives, which makes us feel a lot better about telling YOU all kinds of crazy things about OUR sex lives!.
In our last column, we focused on our definition of dyke sex: basically, if you feel like it is/was dyke sex then there you have it... Dyke Sex!
One of the best letters we got this month was from a woman who wrote: "I have been back and forth for years trying to determine if I really had sex with my best friend from high school. I couldn't decide if what had happened was considered sex or not. I'm not gay but I have always been very open to sexual experiences, and although it may never happen again (wink wink) it's nice to know that I have that experience inside my own memory box. So I guess I did have sex!!! Real sex with a girl!!!"
We love the idea of "straight" women across America waking up to realize they, too, have had dyke sex! Still, while our definition opens up a world of possibilities for the notches on your belt, we got a couple of letters complaining that they wanted to know less about "what" dyke sex was and hear more about how to do it.
Which leads us to our other favorite thing about our workshop - we get to spend a lot of time, uh, researching. After all, we want to provide the most accurate information we can! We get to read all about our bodies, find out what other people are doing and thinking, "network" by hanging out at places like Early To Bed and we get to practice what we preach. Best of all, we get to do our practicing on the foxiest ladies we know... ourselves!
Masturbation rules! It's hard to know what's going to feel good to your body when you're with another person unless you know what feels good to your body when you're with yourself. And how are you going to know "what" feels good on your body unless you know where the "what" is? It's our plan to tell you everything we know about how to get your groove on, but to make it easier on ourselves, we gotta start with the basics - where your "stuff" is, what it does, and what its really called.
Many women have their own pet name for their genitalia. Coya likes "cooch", Amber likes "cunt", but one of our pet peeves is when women refer to their whole genitalia as their "vagina." The vagina is only one part of your entire vulva, so if you're going to generalize, you might as well do it in a way that sounds little less like a old southern lady's first name!
Here's an invitation to you all to send us your favorite names for women's genitalia and we'll post them as they come in!
Real quick! The vulva is the whole genital region consisting of the clitoris at the
top, then your urethra opening (moving from top to bottom), then your vagina, then the perineum, then your anus. The clit, urethra, and vagina are surrounded by the inner and outer labia (or labia minora and majora respectively).
Check out our handy dandy diagram:
Internally is your cervix, which is the opening to your uterus. The cervix has no nerve endings on its surface, but may be quite sensitive to pressure (which is why deep penetration with a hand or dildo may sometimes feel uncomfortable). The Chicago Women's Health Center and Planned Parenthood will let you look at your cervix (as well as insert your own speculum) if you ask -- CWHC usually will ask you!
Now. Here's some fun stuff. The "clit" actually has 18 separate parts and is the only, REPEAT: THE ONLY, organ of the entire human body (male or female) that has no other purpose but to provide pleasure! All it wants is for you to feel good! Plus, it's huge. The clit is much larger than merely the pea shaped external portion that many of us have come to know and love. The clit is actually about three-four inches long and extends back inside your body in a wishbone shape. And guess what? It all comes together because he back side of the clit is your G-spot. If you were to insert your fingers inside your body (and frankly, we hope you do), then curve them upwards and curl your fingers, you would first feel a ridgy, bony part of skin protecting your pubic bone. Push your fingers on farther up into your body and past that ridgy part and .... Ta Da! You will find the smooth fleshy quarter shaped spot that is your G-spot.
Your clit and your G-spot are good parts of you to get to know, and its good to reacquaint yourself with them whenever possible. Your body and your way of feeling good changes all the time, so a lady who only ever comes by rubbing up against a pillow may suddenly realize she ALSO comes by using her hand to rub her outer lips against her clit.
What is an orgasm (or cumming) exactly? An orgasm is the contracting of the
pubococcygeus (or "PC") muscle. The PC muscle is the same muscle you use to stop the flow of urine when you are peeing. You can do "kegel exercises" to strengthen your muscles at any time during the day by squeezing and releasing your PC muscle. No one can tell if you're doing it, so you can do it at school, at work, on the train, on the phone, right now...you get the picture! Like any muscle, the more you work out, the stronger it gets, and the stronger your orgasms will be.
Many books (and women's experiences) discuss two "types" of genital
orgasms. There is truth to this. Although the clit is one organ, it is actually connected to two separate nerve tracks to the brain - that's why it's shaped like a wishbone (though we like to think it's so you can get lucky!). One nerve track is connected to the outer portion of your clit and the other is connected to your G-spot, hence "clitoral orgasms" and "g-spot orgasms." The nerve track connected to your g-spot is the same nerve track that
controls your peeing, so some women feel like they're going to pee when their g-spot is being stimulated. Also, your g-spot actually surrounds your urethra internally, but don't worry - you're probably not going to pee. Some women are able to ejaculate during orgasm - which is an exciting topic for another whole column.
Nonetheless, there are a couple of questions about female ejaculation that we'll take a moment to address. Female ejaculate is about a couple of tablespoons (very much like male ejaculate) and studies have found that female ejaculate has the same amount of urine content as male ejaculate - one to five percent depending on which study you consult. It comes from an accumulation of fluid from the paraurethral glands. To see an example of the varying amounts of female ejaculate, check out Annie Sprinkle's 10-minute orgasm culminating in ejaculation in "Sluts and Goddesses" versus Alicia Klass's forceful fountains in any Seymour Butts porn (hmmm...there's that pornography topic...for another column).
We'll cover anal anatomy more when we devote a whole column to anal sex.
In the meantime, the most important things to know are that the muscles in your anus are much stronger than the muscles in your vagina and your intestinal tract is quite long. Therefore, things you insert in your anus can and will get sucked up inside you and "lost" unless you use something that has a base. Your anus/rectum has no natural lubrication, so you must use lube all the time. Your rectum generally holds only trace amounts of feces but the anus has a fair amount of bacteria -- too much for your vagina, so never use a finger or sex toy from your anus to your vagina without changing the condom/glove.
Phew! That's a lot for one day.
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