Anal sex:
Unfortunately, most of us have grown up with almost no straightforward information about sex, and the little we did get was probably full of messed up messages about gender and heterosexual sex. We probably learned nothing about anal sex, except maybe that it was something gay men did (and do... lucky boys!) or that it was the kind of perverse travesty that can only bring bad luck (think Sodom and Gomorrah). Maybe anal sex was considered extra kinky, a kind of tight alternative to "regular" (heterosexual) sex. This lack of information doesn't just deprive us of a potentially fun sex act, it can be flat out dangerous. So many women we know have agreed to try anal sex, only to have the experience ruined by an uninformed, overly enthusiastic, impatient lover who moved waaaaaaay too fast to make it fun, much less physically or emotionally enjoyable. (Anal penetration is also a common tool in sexual violence and a bad date rape experience is enough to make any woman decide that anal sex is not an option.)
The fact is, anal sex is pretty normal. Most people try it at some point in their lives, even if only during masturbation. Anal sex can be fun, it can feel great, and it can add a whole lot to your sexual repertoire. But only if the idea feels right, not scary or weird or completely mysterious. And hey, that's where we come in...
First, a brief anatomy lesson. If you don't pour over every word we've ever written on a regular basis, go back and check out our anatomy article and look at the diagram of your anorectal anatomy. Your anus is the opening to your rectum. It's incredibly sensitive and responsive to touch. Wowza! Get out a mirror and rim (touch lightly around the outside of) your anus with your finger for a while. It will start to wink
at you! With eyelashes no less-- because EVERYONE has hair around their anus. It may be light, coarse, or waxed, but it's there. And just as playing with your pubic hair can increase your arousal, so can touching the hair around your anus.
If you aren't into having butt hair, or you just think that shaving or waxing (either yourself or your partner) is hot, make sure you take precautions to protect the sensitive skin of your anus. Moisturize before you shave, make sure the area stays clean, use a fresh, disposable razor, make sure the wax isn't too hot, use lots of shaving cream, etc. This isn't a column on shaving/waxing, so if that's the kind of thing you're into make sure you check out a book like "The Whole Lesbian Sex Book" for tips on how to do it. Now, back to the anus...
You have two sphincter muscles: an internal one and an external one. The external sphincter you can control voluntarily (meaning, you're the boss). The internal sphincter, however, is involuntary - it reacts reflexively, just like your heart knows to keep beating on its own. This is one reason why anal sex can be painful. If you're not relaxed and ready for sex, the internal sphincter will tighten and close up. The good news is that the two muscles overlap, so you can gain more control over your inner sphincter by learning how to relax the outer sphincter. Exercising your PC muscles by doing Kegels (Remember? Squeezing the muscles that you contract if you wanted to stop mid-pee?) is also a way to learn to control your sphincter muscles.
Here is the number one, most important thing to know about anal anatomy: the muscles in your anus are much stronger than the muscles in your vagina and your intestinal tract is quite long. Unlike your vagina, your anus doesn't have a cervix that acts as a natural barrier, keeping objects like a dildo or a tampon within a reasonable, easy-to-pull-back-out distance. Therefore, things you insert in your anus can (and will!) get sucked up inside you and "lost" - unless you use an object with a wide base that keeps it from slipping all the way into the anus.
Feces are stored in the bowel, not in your rectum or anal canal. With a healthy diet, regular bowel movements, and proper hygiene, there should only be trace amounts of feces in your rectum. Therefore, although feces are high in bacteria and should definitely be kept far far away from your vagina, the truth is that anal sex isn't really any messier than any other kind of sex. Just remember that old rule you learned about wiping: always play front to back, not back to front, and you shouldn't having any problem when it comes to bacteria in your cootchie. Some people have enemas before anal sex and there are a lot of different ways to do them. We're not gonna cover how to do an enema in this article, simply because it's not necessary. If you are using a glove, or condom (on a toy), which we recommend you do, it's super easy to clean up after anal sex.
Now, this is important! Your anus/rectum has no natural lubrication, so you must use lube all the time. Make yourself sticky with it! Have fun dripping in lube! Wearing a glove or using a condom with lube makes things even easier, which is an added benefit to practicing safe sex. We find that anal sex is actually more enjoyable when you practice safe sex, than if you don't. We're not just saying that because we're safer sex advocates! A glove or condom dripping with lube makes everything a lot more slippery and smooth than skin on skin!
e-mail us at: vulvalove@iheartmyclit.com
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